


Symphony of the storm

by bibitta007



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Betaed, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-07 11:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4261275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bibitta007/pseuds/bibitta007
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 2x22 Red and Lizzie on the run, dealing with their complicated relationship when a stormy night changes everything. This is my Secret Santa gift to Brittany from the FB Lizzington group. Angst, rated T but it will change to M. *CHAPTER 4, 5 AND 6 ARE UPDATED*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opening Sonata

**Author's Note:**

> This story is my Secret Santa gift to Brittany from the FB Lizzington group. Hope you’ll like it!  
> This chapter is beta-ed by the great Almcvay1, thank you so much for your help!  
> Huuuge thanks to Hestia Prytaneum and Alysha for helping when my muse left me alone without any inspiration.  
> I don’t own anything!

_“There is the storm. You know it will come but you are not prepared. You can’t be prepared. You can predict when it comes but you can’t predict its power, neither where it goes. It’s free. It’s untamable. It devastates everything that gets in its way. You had a house, you had a life, you had a plan._  
And the storm changes everything.”  
Csitáry-Hock Tamás

_###_

 

The darkness was a blessing, the night peaceful and the house quiet.

Such a beautiful moment on the late spring night; somewhere in the heart of Transylvania, one of the most beautiful Romanian countrysides.

Everything was motionless and Raymond Reddington was so thankful for that.

Why?

Because inside…oh, inside of his heart the nasty feelings raged. Fury and sadness and pain. He had failed. Again. He should be used to the feeling, really. Every time he wanted to save something precious to him, Raymond Reddington caused its death.

He had killed Elizabeth Keen, not literally of course, but in a more horrible way.

The happy woman who couldn’t wait to be mother and who loved her husband, the determined FBI agent who trusted in the law and truly believed in goodness in this world…she disappeared.

How did he know that?

Every time Lizzie looked at him, the fire, that unique glint wasn’t in her eyes anymore.

He wasn’t her sin-eater…he was her _soul-eater._

They had been on the run for almost two weeks but he hadn’t seen her smile, even for a moment.

He desperately wanted a good life for her. When he had pulled her out of the fire he had made a promise: no matter what, he would provide a normal life for her. She would be happy and she would have children and a dog and a cat and everything she would ever desire. She wouldn’t remember ~~of~~ her KGB agent mother and her murdered father, especially not that she had pulled that trigger herself but most of all; she wouldn’t remember the monster who brought hell into the early years of her life.

It seemed his plan would go as he expected, he watched her from distance as she grew from an adorable little girl to a rebellious teenager and later, a beautiful, intelligent woman. Everything went as he and Sam wanted except two little things. The first one was Jacob, the cute young man who first became a friend then when Berlin offered more money, the spy turned against Red as he seduced his innocent Lizzie into the lion’s den.

The most disturbing thing about this Tom-Jacob- whatever he was - was that Liz still loved him. Of course four beautiful years of memory wouldn’t disappear with a snap of the fingers but…Red couldn’t understand, how she could easily believe the words of the devil.

Red would never admit but he was so damn jealous of him – and in the mean time there was the second problem of Red’s ‘life-model’.

He didn’t know how or why but he was obsessed with Lizzie. He couldn’t name the exact moment when Sam’s little girl suddenly became a desirable woman in his eyes who visited him on the darkest nights and comforted his lonely soul.

It was somehow funny how these fantasies changed with his feelings.

First he fantasized about fucking her – he was a man and he had needs.

Nothing outrageous about that.

In his vivid mind he touched, licked, kissed and caressed every inch of her while she was moaning and begging and writhing under him, starving for his touch, for his kiss.

But as he had the pleasure of working with her almost every day, seeing how fascinating and exciting she could be, how incredibly intelligent and brave she was, it swept him off his feet.

The fuck-sessions in his mind changed into slow and torturous sex, then became love-making and ended up as scenes without any adult content.

He just wanted her to want him holding her at the end of the day.

He craved her embrace every night he went to sleep and ached for her smile every day.

The smile he obliterated.

It was too painful.

He had killed her soul.

He was ashamed.

And angry.

So _fucking_ angry.

As the amount of alcohol in his blood reached the level that his body could no longer tolerate he stood up and hurried into the bathroom. Luckily he reached the toilet in time and didn’t throw up on the softest carpet he had every felt under his feet.

When it seemed his stomach calmed down a bit he brushed his teeth and washed his face with cold water. He watched as the cool drops of water roamed down on his face but he couldn’t stop seeing the monster underneath the reflection of a bone-tired man.

His soul was so dark with all the sins he had swallowed. They darkened the windows of his heart and he didn’t even know himself anymore. He was the sin-eater and, he couldn’t save the one he loved most.

He didn’t even recognize what was happening around him until Lizzie’s soft hands cupped his face and forced him to look into her watery eyes.

He closed his eyes.

He couldn’t bear seeing even a single teardrop from her.

He was sick of himself both literally and figuratively. He wanted nothing more than to have the ground swallow him so he would not have to face Lizzie anymore. It was so humiliating.

He didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes anymore.

“Go away,” he murmured in the coldest way possible.

It looked like his cold behavior had worked, because Liz wasn’t in the bathroom. His trembling legs couldn’t hold him anymore so he leaned hard against the wall and sank down onto the floor.

He closed his eyes to stop the spinning world but it didn’t work. He had drunk too much tonight.

“Red…?” the most beautiful voice in the world asked for him and he didn’t dare to open his eyes. He just wanted to enjoy her soft voice echoing in his heart, even if he thought it was only fantasy. “Red, open your eyes, or I swear to God I’m gonna slap you!” he groaned as his nice fantasy turned into an ugly one but he obeyed and opened his eyes.

The woman he had just sent away minutes ago was now kneeling in front of him, holding a glass of drink in front of his lips. “Drink it. It’s ginger, it’ll help ease your nausea…” Ah, the soft voice again _._

_Soft, then hard, then soft again…_

Red raised his hand to take the glass from her, to save his remaining pride but at that moment he realized why she didn’t let him; his hands were soaked in his own blood. His knuckles were bruised and both sides of his hands lacerated.

He remembered hating his reflection as the self-hatred ruled him...the mirror was shattered into small pieces around him.

Great, he had just smashed an antique mirror.

“Red,” she whispered in awe as she tried to catch his unsure gaze and touched his cheek. “Drink some for me, okay?”

She was so loving and soft and all he craved but dear God, he didn’t want it to happen this way.

His body was too tired to fight with her stubbornness tonight so he just let her raise the glass to his lips and drank a little.

###

She hated seeing him like this. He was her hero, her brave hero who she could trust with her life, she had realized that by now.

Liz didn’t like this side of him, not even the slightest.

Because she knew she was the cause of his misery.

Since Liz realized he was the only one around him for a long time whom she could trust, Liz held on to him tight, even if the distance between them was greater than ever.

She could still remember his pained expression as he had gotten out of the car and hugged his friend, saying goodbye to him. While she had been waiting for Red she mentally prepared – Liz had expected him being furious for killing Tom Connolly or smug for choosing him instead of Tom but…

But that gaze, the entire sadness and pain he had given… it had her taken aback for a second. Red had looked at her like as if he would have killed her dearest thing. He hadn’t seen that instead of taking he had been giving her; he gave her the truth, strength but most of all…he had given her hope.

_And I find myself feeling…possessive…possessive of him…_

_Uh, I am not jealous!..._

_I risked my life for you because I_ care _about you…_

She had hopelessly fallen for him and she thought she was only business for him. When she had saved him from the Kings, she thought it was only pity in his eyes and he didn’t want her caring about him because he didn’t care about her.

She had almost chosen the wrong man. It wasn’t a question whether Tom wanted her to come with him and sail into the sunset. She still loved him. Their last night was amazing but it showed the ugly truth; yes, she still loved Tom but certainly wasn’t _in_ love with him anymore.

For a moment she had seriously considered going back and disappearing with him but then…

That bastard Connolly threatened her friends with all his smugness and political bullshit but his biggest mistake was threatening Red’s…and at that moment she realized something.

What she felt for Red, it was much stronger and just thinking of his death, even for a second…

Liz didn’t regret killing him and she didn’t regret running away with Red either.

And now, seeing him so damaged because he couldn’t save her from herself, from her own memories…witnessing how much power she had over him…it made her shiver with the fear of breaking him.

He made her so angry. How could he let her do this to him? How could he let her treat him the way she did? And how the hell could he allow her to see him in such a state?

Liz so wanted to get him closer to her but the fear in her heart still had a little room…she couldn’t live with another horrible event, caused by Reddington.

She didn’t want to hurt him anymore and yet, she knew her distance pained him immensely.

But this way was less painful than the other.

At least she thought so.

###

When he drank a little she examined his hands again.

“Red, I need to clean your wounds, they’re full of glass from the mirror.”

Red chuckled bitterly…he was that broken mirror.

She didn’t ask anything while she slowly cleaned his hands and dressed them. She knew he would avoid answering.

He was watching her face the whole time. She was so damn beautiful, even with her mussed hair and tired eyes. When she finished with his hand he couldn’t help but gently run his index finger along her jawline, lifting her chin to make her look into his hooded eyes.

Her breath hitched. He was looking into her with such intensity, for a moment she imagined him kissing her…

###

…He wanted to kiss her right then and there but…a sudden image ran through his fuzzy mind…

His beautiful Lizzie, washing her naked body in moonlight as her bastard ex-husband making her his again and again on his rusty boat.

He felt like throwing up again but luckily he didn’t. He swallowed all the pain as he dropped his head and slowly tried to stand up.

“Let me help,” she offered gently but he swatted her hands away.

Oh no, he would not letting her take a pity on him any further tonight. Seeing him in this state, dressing his wounds was humiliating enough for him. He was a big boy, he could make it to his bedroom alone.

“No. I can do this. Go back to sleep.” he tried to dismiss her but of course she didn’t let him.

“Red…”

“I said,” he raised his voice, something he had never done before, never with her. “Good night, Elizabeth.”

She was still kneeling on the floor of the bathroom as he swayed into his room, shutting the door with force.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

He was shutting her out and she couldn’t stop it.

###

Deep down he knew he would regret it in the morning but right now he felt it was the right decision. He didn’t need her compassion…he needed her love, her happiness but Red knew he could never have that.

In the dark room he bumped into the nightstand with a loud thud but he didn’t care. He swore loudly as he swept all the items from the nightstand. He still couldn’t stop thinking about Liz being with that…

Tears welled up in his eyes.

He was shutting her out and she didn’t even try to stop him.

###

She hurried into his room, not caring about his coldness. He was drunk and she felt the urge to protect his vulnerability tonight. Maybe he wouldn’t remember anything in the morning. She _hoped_ he wouldn’t remember anything.

“Red, you’re drunk.” she slowly approached him like she would a wounded animal, bleeding out slowly.

“Well done, Captain Obvious,” he spat sarcastically as he shut his eyes tight. He couldn’t stop hurting her. He did it again and again, just the way she had done in the past weeks.

He didn’t hold onto the fact that she had chosen to run away with him, to protect him with her life in front of the Cabal, not even seeing her watery eyes.

He was drunk and he felt as though he had the right to be selfish and protect his own heart for a night.

“Don’t be an ass, I’m trying to help.” she stepped closer and gently turned him around. She was frightened by his red rimmed eyes. They were distant and cold. She knew right there; if she didn’t leave right now he would hurt her…

…but if she left him, he would hurt himself.

She would be selfless for tonight and let him take out ~~of~~ his anger on her as long as she could protect him from himself.

“You should take off that messy shirt,” she suggested and a sleepy smirk appeared on his face.

Liz rolled her eyes as she gently pushed him to sit on the bed and knelt between his legs to help him out of the shirt that smelled like distillery.

He wanted her stop, really, but it was so, so good. Feeling her soft fingers accidently brushing against his skin as she unbuttoned his shirt, hearing the sound of the fabric as it fell down on his arms…

_Just one more minute…_ he silently promised… _just one more minute…_

If they had been in another situation, she would openly admire his soft but still muscular torso, the salt and pepper hairs on the smooth, warm skin, but she couldn’t.

She shouldn’t.

She didn’t feel comfortable unbuckling his belt so she stood up again and for a second she just enjoyed the hooded gaze…

“You ruined your pants, they’re bloody. Take them off and I’ll do the laundry tomorrow.” she slightly licked her lips but he didn’t realize that.

It was too dark and his mind was too occupied with creating something naughty.

Naughty pictures about her naked beauty

…and then Tom leaned above her, making her as his…

He was disgusted and even in the dark Liz felt something was wrong. He took off his pants and tossed it to her as he stepped into her personal space.

“Did you ask our dear Tom to take off his pants as well or did he just fuck you with opened zip on the boat?” he tilted his head as smiled arrogantly but inside his heart shattered into million pieces as he watched her angelic face turn into blank.

“Fuck you, Reddington.” she whispered angrily and took his trousers into the bathroom. She felt like she was drowning and this time Reddington held her head under the water.

He was the only one who could hurt her that much. How dare he use his power!

She leaned over the sink as she watched her broken reflection on the jagged pieces, taking deep breaths.

_He’s drunk; he doesn’t know what he’s saying. He is just as miserable as you are right now. You know he would never want to hurt you. Forgive him, just tonight, Liz._ – She repeated to herself but it didn’t work. Yes, she had been prepared with her mind but not with her heart.

Ten minutes later she slowly swayed back into his room to make sure he didn’t drown into his own vomit.

She covered her mouth tightly with her right hand to hold back the gasp as she stared at the rough skin on his back. He had his back to her; wearing his black boxers only and the dim light of the living room was enough to let her see the past.

She silently stepped closer and knelt next to the bed so she was eye level with his back. She didn’t even realize what she was doing until the tip of her fingers discovered his skin. He was so warm and alive under her fingers but a second later she pulled back when he shrugged out of her touch.

And that moment she remembered everything.

The flames on his back…

His screams…

His strong arms as he pulled her out of the house…

The scent of his burned flesh…

How he winced when she tried to heal his wound with her touch…

She stood up and backed until her legs hit the rocking chair near to the bed. She pulled up her legs and hugged them close to her chest as she watched over his dreamless sleep.

That night she cried for him, for herself but most of all: she cried for them.

###

She didn’t sleep a wink. She was lost in her thoughts and feelings, staring at his rising and falling chest and staring out at the night.

The first rays of the sun caught her there; angry, tired and emotionally gutted.

It was nearly six in the morning when Red opened his eyes with a loud groan. His head hurt like hell and he just had a horrible dream about Lizzie as he spilled all his pain into her soul, wounding her intentionally.

He slowly turned onto his side when he jumped a little as he saw her sitting in the rocking chair.

First she watched the valley through the windows but a minute later she lowered her gaze to him. All he saw there was pain and fury and sadness.

Fuck, he hadn’t just dreamt it.

“I’ll be always thankful to you, and I can’t stop caring about you. But if you do that again – if you do this to _me_ again, I’m gonna leave and never come back. Maybe I need your protection,” _and you in my life,_ she mentally noted. “But I won’t tolerate your loathing because of my actions.” she stopped and continued with a mere whisper “I’m unable to bear your loathing. Keep it in your mind.” with that she stood up and left for her own room.

He buried his face in ~~to~~ his palms.

Oh God, what had he done?

**To be continued…**

**Well, what do you think? :) Should I continue?**


	2. Little impatience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! :)  
> In this chapter the storm will reach our favorite pair…some angst, fluff, romance…just usual stuffs.  
> Beta-ed by the great Almcvay1, thank you so much for your help and suggestions! :)

They didn’t speak about that night. They didn’t speak at all for three days. Red couldn’t bear the shame he felt every time they were in the same room and Liz couldn’t live with his rejection. Luckily he had enough business to keep him busy for days and Lizzie discovered a little garden with a few flowers.

True, she killed many of them but at least the roses, lily, and the little violets remained. The man who owned this safe-house taught English at the University of Bucharest so in the house there were many books in English. She found a book about gardening among them. She was a quick study and occupied her mind when she didn’t try to figure out their next step about the Cabal. In the mean time she realized how calming gardening was despite the physical work it required.

He couldn’t help but find an excuse to watch her working from his window. How fascinated she was by saving a little flower or how she yelped when a poor frog crossed her way. It was truly a wonder how that little work brought some life back into her.

Of course she had to keep herself busy, he thought, because for two more weeks they would stay there. Killing Tom Connolly bought enough time for them to disappear, create a new identity for Lizzie and make some provisions for their protection. That’s why he had brought her here, in the middle of the mountains’ embrace, totally alone in this small cabin because this part of Romania had calm and peaceful lifestyle, something that no one would think Raymond Reddington would tolerate. Surprisingly, he liked it a lot. Of course he adored the rushing and constant moving in his life but now, now he wanted nothing more than to spend as much time here with her as he could.

They had to end this silent war between them if they wanted to enjoy their time together. He tilted his head as he forgot himself in staring at her. He was so embarrassed whenever he thought about his ridiculous behavior but he couldn’t help it; if he hadn’t smashed the mirror that night and hadn’t drunk himself down, he would have been crushed under the weight of his own misery.

Since then, Liz hadn’t spoken much to him and avoided eye contact but somehow she looked stronger and less broken and…he couldn’t say why but…as much as she tried to hide behind her neutral face her voice…her voice was softer.

She obviously felt sorry for him and for herself as well for staying with a lamentably broken man. She must have seen him as a lost puppy.

He hated it. Hated her sympathy for him and hated himself for showing his feelings.

His breath hitched as she stood up and looked straight at him.

###

Her heart pounded hard in her chest but she thought it was from the work. She clearly saw as he opened his mouth as if he would speak to her from behind the windows but he just pursed his lips as he nodded and turned away.

This was going to be a long two weeks.

###

She woke up screaming. Every night she dreamed the same dream. Ever since his drunken night; it was always Red getting shot and she was unable to save him and tell just how much she cared about him.

She slowly made her way to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. While she sipped her beverage, she saw somebody moving outside. Liz put down her mug as she pulled out the gun from under the counter and slowly approached the patio. She sighed in relief when she heard the unique sigh and saw him kneading the tired muscles at his neck as he relaxed in the chair.

“Why don’t you sleep?” he asked without turning around, sipping something from a mug.

“I could ask the same,” she avoided the answer and moved back to the cabin.

Red thought for a pregnant moment that he was going to spend the dawn alone like he used to do every morning but then she just sat down on the other side of the little table, bringing her own morning drink.

They sat together in silence for minutes but as the first light of the sun appeared in the valley, the chilly air was scented with something sweet and lemony. It didn’t take long until she realized it came from those beautiful little flowers at the corner of the garden, nearly a foot away from the patio, dancing for the morning in white, pink and red shades.

“Busy Lizzie.” he growled and she jumped a little.

“What?”

“The flower’s name in the UK. Busy Lizzie or white impatiens. It blooms in the shadow…for the shadow…” she wasn’t sure if he meant the flower or her but soon she got her answer “As if it would just bring the morning, bring the light…” he shook his head as though he knew he had said too much. “They are called impatiens because the slightest touch and it scatters its seeds.”

“Shoot first, ask later,” Lizzie nodded as she tried to lighten the uncomfortable mood between them.

It was too much, too heavy, she couldn’t breathe under its weight.

Red laughed as he looked at her and for the first time in many days she held his eyes. His laugh softened into a half smile and she slightly turned up the corner of her mouth as well. It was only a second but for Red it meant the world.

_Baby steps, Raymond, baby steps._

“Lizzie…” he started but his voice died a second later as she looked away.

Damn, he broke the spell.

Truthfully, she had looked away to avoid letting her emotions show. He hadn’t called her Lizzie for a long time and hearing that, rolling the letters on his tongue so profoundly…it was too much.

“Don’t…” she said quietly. She desperately wanted to forget the picture of the drunk and miserable Red…and his scarred back, all because of her…she shut her eyes tight and continued. “I know what you want to say but please, do not apologize. I don’t want to talk about it.”

For her it was the end of the topic and Red sighed in relief. She didn’t have to ask twice not to speak about that night again but Red was a bit concerned about their future.

The silence re-entered as they watched the sunrise together.

###

Another night. Same nightmare. Hot chocolate.

Silent sunrise with Red.

She started enjoying his company again.

He loved the mere thought of her sitting only a meter away from him.

###

“What are you drinking?” he asked curiously on the fifth morning as she winced when she burned her tongue on the hot beverage.

“Hot chocolate.” she hissed as her tongue still hurt a bit.

“Same here,” he smiled and she couldn’t help answering with her own.

###

On the sixth morning Liz was brave enough to ask why he was sitting there every sunrise and he had enough power to tell the truth without any doubt.

_Baby steps, Liz, baby steps._

###

It was the eighth morning when Red told a ridiculous story and Lizzie couldn’t help but giggle in the most adorable way.

He knew he would move mountains, just to hear the enthralling little sound of hers.

But he knew she didn’t want him to move those mountains.

.

.

.

God, she wished he would move mountains for her…the mountains that kept him from her.

###

“Oh, c’mon you can’t be serious!” she frowned with wide eyes at him and he couldn’t stop grinning.

They had started meeting in the morning twelve days ago and now they acted like they had a few months ago; laughing, teasing and _relaxed._

Her nightmares stopped tonight but somehow she had woken up. She didn’t need hot chocolate for comfort and it wasn’t necessary to leave the warm bed for the chilly morning.

But she wanted. She craved these moments with him because when the sun rose into the sky again, Red would raise his shield.

But not now.

Now he was only wearing his black bathrobe and a white T-shirt. He was mussed and his voice was still rough from sleeping.

She loved this side of him even more than when he wore his three piece suits. She liked the way he dressed but it was so distant and this…this was a piece of the real Raymond Reddington.

“You asked it, sweetheart, now you have to accept the answer.” he knew he was a mess and he almost slept through their morning routine. A few days ago he had been sitting there for the Busy Lizzie to witness how it brought light and happiness into the valley, now he was there for his Lizzie who warmed his long-cold heart with her smile, her tousled hair, her beauty, her… _everything._

“How could you,” she asked with disbelief, “How could you tell me that you haven’t seen The Matrix yet?”

“I always watched it until the guy offers the blue and the red pills…and I still don’t know which one will be the winner.” he shrugged and continued, playfully “but I have a pretty good idea about the color of the pills,” he wiggled his eyebrows and Liz giggled.

“I’m not sure I want to hear that…”

“So if the blue one…”

“Red…” she warned but still couldn’t stop giggling.

“Then the _little matrix_ was falling down on the job…” now he laughed as well.

“Red!” she sounded offended by his cheekiness but she enjoyed it as long as he was so carefree around her.

“But if he chose the _Red_ pill…”

She was sure he would use his name like Red was a brave color and Red was always good in people’s mouth but she blushed even from the thought so she jumped from her seat, mentally noting that she should avoid his nickname. “Raymond, I’m too tired for your witty comments,” she laughed and squeezed his shoulder as she went back to sleep a little.

Red froze. First, she called him Raymond then she touched him.

_Raymond and touch._

He had to collect all his willpower in order to avoid going after and kissing her.

He could barely resist the temptation anymore.

###

On the last night she was awakened by a loud boom. She blinked at the clock that showed one in the morning. Too early to get up, she thought, but then the crash was repeated and she realized that a storm hit the valley.

She slowly stood up as she grabbed her bathrobe and walked out for a glass of water when she found Red in front of the windows. Now she was wide awake and she stepped next to him.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked without turning his head.

“No, the storm startled me.”

“Afraid of storms?” he chuckled humorlessly.

“No, I always loved storms, they just put my mind at ease. I remember how Sam hated that I was standing on the balcony, trying to catch the thunderbolts with the Polaroid camera…” she chuckled as the warm memory filled her. “He always said: why I can’t be like other kids who’re trying to hide under the table in storms?...he said that but I always felt some kind of pride in his voice.” she smiled but a moment later it turned into a big grin when Zeus sent his thunder to split the dark night in two “So damn beautiful…” she whispered.

“It is,” he agreed, however his eyes caught another, greater beauty.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He wanted nothing more than grab her and kiss her until the storm calmed down and then for a little longer. Instead he just turned back to Mother Nature before she could notice the blatant adoration in his stormy green eyes.

He cleared his throat, trying to avoid the picture of her naked beauty in the dark room filled with the light of the heavens’ anger. At least Tom wasn’t a participant anymore. “Now I understand why you always caught cold when you were a child.” he chuckled.

Of course he knew it, he knew everything about her; but for now Liz didn’t mind at all. Why should she avoid their past? Plus, it was somehow comforting, knowing that somebody knew who she really was, somebody who constantly reminded her where she had come from.

“Yeah, but not because of the storms. Truth be told I was never brave enough to stand in the rain,” she blushed a little as she heard the soft click of the glass door.

“Come,” he held his hand and she just stared it for a few second. “You haven’t lived until you’ve stood in the middle of a storm,” he smiled charmingly and she could not resist him.

A small, mischievous smirk appeared at the corner of her lips as she took his warm hand and let him lead her to the glade.

The world around them caught on fire again and again as the lightning threatened the trees which leaned down to the sweet ground as if in surrender. It was so scary, all the lights, the shadows, the noises but something soothed her soul.

The scents.

The scent of the electricity, the smell of the earth as it breathed, the sweet and spicy forest…and something else…something stronger that made her heart pound hard as her nostrils filled with it, agitating each and every cell of her body.

She couldn't name the exact elements, but it reminded Lizzie of those aspects of Red she sometimes forgot about. His power, his energy, his masculinity. It was intoxicating, and yet comforted her at the same time.

His neck arched as he raised his gaze up and closed his eyes to let his senses come alive. For a moment she let her mind wander to the dark image where she nuzzled his exposed skin from ear to chest, slowly made her way down his neck that screamed for bites and suckles. She wanted nothing more than bury her nose into his soft chest hair and inhale him as the raindrops revived his cologne mixed with his natural scent that lingered in the air. She wasn’t interested in the storm anymore. Instead she studied the man next to her as the raindrops soaked his white shirt, make his curves exposed to her…broad shoulders…softer and yet still muscular chest…fine curve of the belly…she didn’t dare to go further. She looked away but a minute later Liz took a look at him once more, with the promise of never drinking in his features again…her breath hitched as she caught that boyish grin on his face from the pleasure of the raindrops on his skin.

He must have sensed her stare and he almost didn’t catch her. Once he looked at her, there was no turning back…the eighth wonder of the world was within arm’s length from him and he wasn’t allowed to touch. Life was cruel and unfair.

Before he could change his mind he turned toward her and for a heavy moment she thought he was going to kiss her. They looked at each other for minutes as they desperately tried to find the right words but they failed miserably. Red broke the eye contact first with a heavy sigh.

“Let’s go inside before we get pneumonia.” his voice was so low she felt it as it jolted down her spine, arousing her very being.

He turned on the lights and avoided her intense gaze.

“You should take a shower. I’ll test the security cameras.” he turned around and left her alone in the living room. He was afraid of those glints in her eyes, even as he thought it was only his imagination.

She was in the middle of nowhere, the rain played a loud symphony but all she could hear was her still pounding heart as it ached from his rejection.

She quickly showered, and wrapped a big fluffy towel around her when a big noise fought with the rain and a second later all lights went out. She didn’t see anything as she opened the bathroom door and in the living room she only saw the dark features of the furniture.

“Red?...” while her eyes adjusted to darkness she entered the living room. She was getting scared. “Red, where are you?”

At that moment somebody grabbed her from behind and put his palm on her mouth as the other grabbed her waist.

“Shh…be quiet, Lizzie.” Red growled into her ear.

They stood that way for minutes that seemed like hours for Liz, as she couldn’t stop trembling in his arms. He was still wet from the storm, probably he had just come in. When she was ready to lean into his embrace and do something crazy he released her.

“Who did this?” she whispered, not trusting in her own voice.

“Nobody, probably a tree fell into the battery. I just wanted to make sure”

They slowly walked toward their rooms as they tried not to run into any furniture but she failed.

“Ouch!” she hissed as she hit her head into the bookshelf when she leaned closer than she should have.

“What?” Red turned around.

“I hit my head into the fucking bookshelf.”

“Such colorful language.” he shook his head slowly.

“Reddington, my head is hurt, I don’t care about being fucking rude” she murmured and Red couldn’t help but chuckle.

She loved hearing that throaty sound… she would do anything if she could get the cheerful and flirty Raymond Reddington back, even for an hour.

He was more relaxed around her now but he still wasn’t his old self.

She missed that side of him.

As if her silent prayer had been heard by Red he said “Rude people need to be disciplined,” when he realized what he had just said, Red cleared his throat and added “That’s why you hit your head.” He shut his eyes tightly, hoping that he didn’t entirely screw up what they had just built in the last two weeks…but dear Lord, he had just held her against him while she was wearing only a towel!

The forbidden fruit tempted him even more tonight. Maybe because he felt her shivering? Maybe because he felt her lips against his palm? Or maybe he was at the edge of his remaining self-control?

Liz thanked the darkness, she surely wouldn’t want to explain her crimson cheeks as the heat slapped her belly, makings her legs tremble – and taking a tour with shaky legs in total darkness was something that surely caused sixty percent of the household accident.

“Lizzie.” he tried to hold her back but as she reflexively gripped him at his sides, it threw him off balance. It shamed him to admit that he was quite ticklish at that area.

With a loud thud they landed on the floor and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you all right, sweetheart?” he chuckled as well as he popped himself on his elbow as his free hand ran over the left side of her face where she had been hit earlier.

“Yes,” she laughed but hissed immediately as his fingertips reached her wound.

“If I feel correctly, you drew a little blood,” he was too occupied with examining her wound in the dark he didn’t even realize he leaned above her as he tried to sense the severity of her wound.

She couldn’t hold back anymore; here was this man, leaning above her while hell broke loose outside, enveloping her with his unique scent and warmth…just too much for controlling her desire.

She whimpered quietly and finally she got his attention. He slowly searched for her eyes that didn’t shine anymore. It was too dark, hooded with desire and lust and he was at the very end of his self-control. He slowly ran his fingertips down from temple to her delicious neck, grazing her collarbone.

“Red…” she whispered with anxiety and want and it was the last straw.

He slowly leaned down and traced his lips along hers. It wasn’t merely a kiss, more like…discovery. He discovered the softness of her mouth, placing small peck at the corner of her lips.

She let out a shuddering breath as she slowly raised her hand to the nape of his neck, scratching the little hairs there while the other pulled him closer at his waist. She needed to feel him under her fingertips, just to make sure she was not dreaming.

It was real.

The softness of his lips, the loving little groans as she softly drew her nails along the back of his head, his wandering hand that discovered her for the first time.

He couldn’t stop. He tried, God knows, he tried as he repeated to himself again, and again like a silent prayer… _just one more minute, just one more kiss and I’ll stop._

His tongue slowly parted her lips with the promise of deepening the kiss but neither of them expected what was going to come. At the exact moment when their tongues met, when they kissed each other properly ,they knew.

Their feelings emerged fully but now neither of them wanted to stop that.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All comments appreciated!


	3. Night-book

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, your feedbacks just made me sooo profoundly happy! Please, keep this beautiful manner! *hugs*  
> This chapter is M-RATED! BUT! If you don’t want to read any adult content, it’s also okay, you don’t have to read it and you won’t miss any important twist.  
> This chapter is beta-ed by the lovely Almcvay1! :)

He didn’t remember how they managed to get to the bedroom, all he could feel was the softness of her lips upon his, the most delicious strawberry lips he had ever tasted. She was holding onto him as if he would have been the only thing that could save her from the excruciating pain.

The pain that had been somehow real.

She had been suffering since the night of the King’s auction. In that deadly moment she realized she felt more about him, her feelings were deeper than the simple attraction that had kept her feeling guilty since the first time he had smiled at her.

The same feelings that made her so profoundly angry whenever she had been too tired to shut them out. The harder she had tried the more difficult it had seemed, the more it had confused her.

Now, in that stormy night all her feelings and instincts freed themselves from the door she cautiously kept closed in the last weeks. That space had filled up and that door could barely contain the contents. But Red had opened it so now he had to deal with the consequences.

He cupped her cheeks and slowly leaned back to look into her incredibly dark eyes. She knew he wanted to say something important but Liz feared he would try to shut her out and don his shield again, so she just slightly shook her head as she stood on her toes and brought his lips back to hers.

Oh no, there was no way she would let him go, after she tasted his lust, his passion.

He was magnificent.

His lips, his hands, those lovely little sounds he made every time she swept her tongue along his.

He had never been as open with her as he was at this moment and the mere thought made her ache for more.

She slowly lowered her hands from his neck to his still wet shirt and started unbuttoning it slowly. Before he could protest she unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it wide-open as she ran her hands along his chest.

His heart was beating so fast under the gentle touch of her hands.

###

He was lost. Despite the relative warmth of the room, the air felt chilly as it touched his sensitive skin and he couldn’t prevent the goose bumps that emerged as Lizzie ran her hands along his body.

For the first time in a long time he was shy. Here was this beautiful young woman with a perfect body and he, with his scarred and fifty-five years old one. Red could barely imagine Lizzie, his desirable Lizzie, even being attracted to him. He knew he was quite handsome in three piece suits but there was a great phrase about the perfect clothes;

_Cultivating and hiding the imperfections of the body._

He closed his eyes as she leaned back to take a look at him. He didn’t want to see the disgust in her eyes, so he just took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for her rejection.

 

###

She couldn’t get enough of him. With the tip of her fingers she traced his torso from the softness of his chest-hair to his quivering belly.

He was so responsive under her touch.

What she had wanted; what she craved since they had stood in the storm, now it was available and it was within arm’s reach. But still, she waited. Liz wanted to indulge into the sweet agony.

Just like Christmas morning when you take your time and unwrap the gifts slowly.

Red was already raising his hands to re-butto his shirt when she kissed him right above his heart and his breath hitched. She slowly trailed over his skin with wet kisses and there wasn’t left even an inch on his chest untouched.

He lifted her chin with his index finger and smiled at her. In that smile he dared to be vulnerable. He dared to be the broken man he really was and nothing on Earth was more beautiful than her reassuring smile.

She accepted him. She saw more than the Concierge of Crime, than Raymond Larger-than-life Reddington. She saw him behind the mask, she saw the real Red and she wasn’t afraid or disgusted.

God, he loved her.

He gently laid her down on the bed as he propped himself on his elbow and started kissing her neck then unwrapped her from the fluffy towel. First he just let her chest be revealed as he slowly made his way down to the softness of her bosom, and he dwelled on her peaked nipples that screamed for his lips which he gave happily.

Her little purrs alone could make him come…

Red lowered his lips to her belly, discarding the towel, leaving her covered only in the lightning as they lit the room from time to time. He crawled between her legs as he kissed her pale thighs.

Liz was well aware of what he wanted to do, and in any other circumstances she would happily let him but now she needed to feel him hot and hard within her.

She wanted to feel if it was real and not just her mind played a twisted game with her.

With silent apologies in her eyes Liz pulled him up by his neck and he understood. He obeyed to her request and he rested himself against the headboard as she peeled off the trousers and black boxers. She kissed her way up his legs, caressing his throbbing length with her hand as she threw her legs to either side of him, straddling him.

She met his gaze with matching intensity and both of them let out a shuddered breath when their bodies became one. She didn’t move, let the pain ease and her body adjust to his size.

Red wanted nothing more than to thrust up, to bury himself deeper, but he gained his self-control as he gently cupped her cheek silently asking her if she was okay.

Liz bit her lip and nodded as she started slowly sliding up and down on him.

He couldn’t believe it was happening, that Lizzie, his sweet Lizzie returned all the feelings and secret desires that wouldn’t let him sleep at night. He wanted to close his eyes, just let his body enjoy the way their bodies moved in perfect rhythm but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

She was looking at him pleadingly with slightly parted lips while her low moans and whimpers filled the room. He felt she was close but he selfishly wanted to make it last as long as possible.

It was more than just sex.

They were making love in a way he hadn’t experienced in the past two decades.

Maybe because he had never been this deeply in love with any woman over the years.

He just wanted them to enjoy it a little longer. This unique, almost tantric love wasn’t an everyday thing, after all.

He held her gently as he laid her down and slipped back into her. He slowly ran his palm along her right thigh and she automatically brought it up to his waist so he could thrust deeper now.

###

She felt as though her heart was filled with feelings she couldn’t exactly recognize, but she knew it felt so good, it brought tears into her eyes.

Nobody had worshipped her this way, not even Tom. No, she mentally noted, she was not going to compare the two men, not when Red was here and he was looking at her as if he would have been dying and she would be the last drop of water on Earth.

He looked so much younger. So loving.

Like neither of them had ever been broken.

Usually all she could think about during sex was the actual physical, pure interaction but now it was only secondary thing.

Feeling the roughness of the hairs on his thighs, tickling and titillating her skin at the same time, his belly brushing against her, his delicious scent mixing with the smell of sex, hearing him moan with that honey and whisky voice…so incredibly overwhelming.

He buried his face into her neck and Liz scratched the nape of his neck, enjoying his hot kisses and suckles on her neck. He was so gentle and caring and she could see he was holding himself back.

She wanted him lose control, to enjoy this as much as it was possible. She wanted to give him the sweet comfort where he could let himself go and drown in the sensation with her.

With a quick movement she was on the top again but Red didn’t mind at all…seeing Lizzie riding him to orgasm was beautiful. He held her by her hips with his right while she raised his left to her lips and kissed his wrist, one of the parts she loved most.

It was too much for her so she slowly sped up and Red silently followed her as they came apart almost at the same time. She collapsed on him and he gently turned them to the other side of the bed, where the pillows were.

Their legs were still tangled in one other and she buried her nose into his chest hair and inhaled deeply while he kissed the crown of her head lovingly.

They didn’t say anything that night, but, the most important things had been declared.

###

The little impatients were lonely the following morning because nobody was sitting in the chair to admire their beauty.

###

The first light of the promising sun caught two figures in the dark room, sleeping deeply in each other’s arms.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What’s next? Will they live happily ever after… or…?  
> All reviews appreciated! :)


	4. Summertime sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I owe with a huuuuuge thanks to Almcvay1 for beta-ing this chapter as well!  
> This chapter is super Angsty – you’ve been warned. * run and hide*

Liz slowly stretched her limbs as she opened her eyes and for the first time in many weeks she felt relaxed. No nightmares. No light sleeping. Just a blessed rainy night with the man she had thought she could never have.

She could still see his stormy green eyes when he had looked at her; when the thunderbolts lit the room and his eyelashes cast a beautiful shadow on his face, how he pulled her close after their lovemaking.

She smiled at the thought and slowly opened her eyes.

She was alone; the other side of the bed was cold.

She sat up, bringing the crisp, white sheets up to hide her still naked form and slowly she walked around the house. Nothing. Red was nowhere to be found. She stepped into his bedroom and saw his unmade bed.

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat but failed miserably.

So he had just left her alone in the middle of the night and slept alone rather than with her.

Which meant he didn’t want her warmth after their lovemaking.

Which meant that, for him, it wasn’t really lovemaking.

He must have felt they had fucked.

She was just another woman in his bed, nothing more.

In the shower Liz cried as she mourned a lover she never had.

How could she have been, so stupid?

Nothing on earth was more important to Raymond Reddington than himself.

He was unable to love anyone else.

When she finished drying her tears Liz decided she would not let Reddington see her pain. She would not give him that pleasure.

With a new scar in her heart and natural expression on her face Liz packed her clothes into the luggage; went to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee.

She didn’t care about the spicy post-storm air outside, she didn’t care about her garden either.

And she didn’t care about the unseen message that she accidently swept under her bed when she had pulled the sheets around her.

That message was left there and nobody read the sweetest things it contained:

_“Good morning beautiful,_

_I went out to grab one of the most delicious blueberry pies for breakfast. Do not leave the bed until I come back… xx Red”_

_###_

He was on his way back from one of his friends with the previously-promised blueberry pies. He couldn’t wipe off the small smile from the corner of his lips and couldn’t hide those little glints in his eyes.

To be honest, he didn’t even want to. He hadn’t been so relaxed, dare he say, _happy_ in the last twenty-six years.

He felt whole again. Last night he found his other half in the warm embrace of his beautiful muse.

Red unconsciously licked his lips as if he could still taste her strawberry lips, caressing his as she arched under him.

He described himself as an experienced man, but what they had done last night, it only happened only once in his life, when his daughter was conceived.

He chuckled as he thought about how shy he had been without his shirt. Of course, he wasn’t perfect but in time a man just accepts his body and taking advantage of the disadvantages.

But with Lizzie, he wanted everything to be perfect. He wanted to hide those horrible scars that his criminal life had tattooed on his skin over the years. Red was sure she had discovered the scars on his back on that drunken night but she didn’t talk about it and somehow he was grateful for that. And yet, last night he felt the physical pain of the effort to be perfect and he was afraid he would never accomplish that. How could he?

He hadn’t even realized how perfect everything was until she kissed him above his heart. She could have told him everything was okay, or she could have just smiled at him. No, she had _kissed_ him above _his heart._

As he stopped the car in front of the small cabin, suddenly his heart sped up. What if she didn’t want more? What if it was only meaningless sex for her?

Red shook his head as he took a deep breath and walked toward the door.

Maybe she didn’t regret last night…maybe, just maybe she was still waiting for him in his shirt in the bed…or…

He opened the door…

And there was his beautiful Lizzie…

And she was acting so cold, she couldn’t even look into his eyes anymore…

And he hated himself. Hated himself for being so foolish and letting himself engage with the wonderful feeling of Lizzie, wanting him. Red realized now she had only taken pity on him last night. Perhaps she had been lonely but he no longer cared about the reason. It was a means to end for her.

It was too painful, just too painful for him.

###

She had never felt her own heart beating this fast.

When Red opened the door, at that moment she knew she wouldn’t be able to bear his gaze without breaking down in front of him.

As she had been waiting for Red’s arrival she had been thinking through the whole situation. She was the one who kissed him and it was also she who navigated him to her room.

Yeah, maybe he should have said no, or they should have discussed that it was only a one-time thing, but seriously, who could talk in that state they had been in?

Lizzie didn’t blame him anymore. She could also imagine that he was taking pity on her and that’s why they slept together.

Lizzie blamed herself for indulging in the sweet but unrealistic idea of Red’s desire for her. He had been with many women, more experienced and beautiful than her. He probably couldn’t love her if he wanted to – not after all those horrible things she had thrown at him.

She would get over it, in time, it would heal, and maybe that painful desire for Red would disappear someday.

When Red appeared at the door she stood up from the table and cleaned her coffee mug for the second time in this morning. She had to turn her back to him and occupy herself with something.

“Good morning,” he said shortly as he tilted his head, still staring at her back.

“Morning,” came the short reply.

“I brought some breakfast.” he tossed the paper bag on the table.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” She dried her hands with the washcloth and dropped it next to the paper bag, still avoiding his eyes.

“I’ll be in my bedroom,” Liz walked by him when he gently grabbed her arm.

He had to be sure. He had to make sure that it wasn’t only a misunderstood situation and Liz had really rejected him.

“Elizabeth, about last night…” he started but she interrupted him.

“Yeah, it was unprofessional and it was a mistake…let’s just forget it, right?” she even managed to fake a reassuring smile that was more like a grimace.

“Mistake…” he repeated slowly as Red released her. Sometimes words could hurt more than a well-placed punch in the gut.

For a moment she discovered something in his eyes like sadness and disappointment…but she wasn’t sure because both of them turned their gaze away almost the same time.

She hurried into her room because she felt the tears streaming down heavily on her cheeks.

She would heal at some point, but that point seemed so fucking far away.

###

When Red heard the silent ‘click’ of her door he let out that ragged breath that tried to break out the moment she called their night as a _mistake._

He grabbed the back of the chair as he lowered his head down to his chest and closed his eyes.

Raymond Reddington was always strong. A real fighter. He survived more than two decades, being the fourth Most Wanted criminal. He had survived many near-death experiences; he had been stabbed, shot, strangled, and beaten.

He always _survived._

But now he felt that the new and deepest wound on his heart would never heal properly.

He was not going to be okay again.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I’m horrible right? Just don’t kill me, please! :D The next chapter will solve everything between our complicated and stubborn pair and if everything goes right.  
> All reviews appreciated!


	5. Before I ever met you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys, I can’t tell you how happy I am when I’m reading your feedbacks!  
> So, where were we last time? Ah, yes, the stubborn ones couldn’t deal with each other…well, we’ll see what happens in this chapter, right? :)  
> I owe with a huuuge thanks to Almcvay1 for the great work she is doing with my chapter!  
> I own nothing.

_“Before I ever met you_  
I never knew that my heart could love so hard  
Before I ever met you  
I never knew I would be enemies with disregard  
Before I ever met you  
I never knew that I liked to be kissed for days  
Before I ever met you  
I never knew I could be broken in so many ways”

_-the Banks_

**_###_ **

It was worse than before.

Maybe not speaking to each other had seemed bad but the constant fights and argument now soured even the beautiful mornings.

Two souls were fighting with each other, two broken hearts shouted lie after lie just to hurt the other. They lied to each other, but worse, they lied to themselves.

They desperately wanted to make their hearts believe that their lovemaking didn’t mean anything. It was like scratching an itch. Deep down they knew the truth, the real truth, how much they needed each other and not just because the Cabal.

_When you love someone you have no control…that what love is: being powerless._

And they indeed were left powerless. They didn’t realize how their broken hearts could make a new one, a strong one, how they could lean on each other.

No, instead their pride and stubbornness drove their actions, causing so much pain in so little time.

They had wanted to move on from the cabin but after they had driven away Red had gotten a phone call from one of his associates who suggested they stay still for a few days. In the meantime, Red had learned that Josh Pertuda, a well-known history professor, would give a lecture at one of the nearby universities.

Mr. Pertuda was an important associate of the Cabal who did his evil business in the world of scientists, manipulating them to support the Cabal. Sometimes with fake data about a country’s population, sometimes to scare people with a fake virus just to force the poor devils to buy a new vaccine, but always to make the Cabal richer.

He may be ‘just’ a professor of History but he was also a dangerous man with deeply depraved predilections when it came to beautiful women. That was the main reason why Red refused to meet with the man, because he knew he could not prevent Lizzie’s presence, and in spite of their fights and this love - hate war, he was still madly in love with her, it didn’t matter how she hurt him day after day.

As long as she was hurting him, it meant that she was alive and within arm’s reach.

So no, there was no way on earth he would let this sociopath come near ~~to~~ his Lizzie.

###

“I don’t care Fred, it’s too risky,” he said annoyed as he was staring out of his window. “Yes, I know that she would get closer to the truth and more likely she could get away from me but as I said, it’s too risky to go after him, you know Josh Pertuda better than I do…. I don’t care about her freedom…” he laughed arrogantly and he wanted to continue with telling Frederick how important Liz’s life was but Fred interrupted him. “The answer is no…Frederick, this conversation is over,” with that he hung up the phone and tossed the phone to the table as he lifted the scotch to his lips.

He was drinking too much. Again.

That’s why he didn’t realize that somebody eavesdropped upon the whole phone call…

###

Lizzie was pacing back and forth in her bedroom, blind with fury and only a step away of inserting something sharp into Reddington’s neck again.

How dare he?

He was manipulating her just as he had done when she hadn’t been a fugitive as well. Those days were gone and she wasn’t the same woman anymore. Oh no, she would not let him do this to her. Something hardened in her. She was stronger but one thing hadn’t changed; her feelings could easily overrule her intellect.

_I don’t care about her freedom…_

She threw the pillow against the wall.

She hated him as much as she hated herself for loving him so deeply and unquestionably. This decision of his only fueled her ire. She was already planning how she would text Red’s associates to send the location as though Red had changed his mind. She would sneak out under the cover of night and meet with this man.

If she was lucky she could get away from Raymond Reddington by the break of dawn and the wounds on her heart could finally heal properly.

###

6 a.m.

“Good morning, Elizabeth,” he growled as he sipped his scotch. She could tell he had been up for a while and had realized her treachery. “Imagine my surprise when I looked in your bedroom and you were nowhere to be found. Then I received a phone call from Fred who gave more details about the undercover mission I was supposed to be executing. You had a good time?”

Liz felt slightly guilty but her sore muscles and tired eyes wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep a little before they started fighting again.

She was too tired for that now.

“No. But I got the necessary information about the Cabal.” she threw the file into his lap.

He didn’t notice her trembling voice or the blood on her soft hands.

He was too hurt to pay attention to the details.

He sighed heavily as his eyes slipped from the file to his beautiful Lizzie. She was wearing a night-sky blue cocktail dress that covered her smooth legs. Her clothes was wrinkled and her hair messy. He didn’t dare to imagine how she had ended up re-appearing like that with the first rays of the sun, and evidence in her hand.

Maybe she seduced Josh to the alley as well?

He pursed his lips.

“Looks like you don’t need my help anymore. Such a brave girl with such talents,” he gritted his teeth painfully. “Do tell, dear Elizabeth; what did you trade for this information? Do you still have your panties?” he pretended to be worried but all he felt was a massive jealousy and a dash of relief that Josh hadn’t played out any sick game with her.

Liz shut her eyes tight and she drew a deep breath as she curled her fingers into a painful fist. When she opened her eyes he wasn’t smiling smugly anymore. His eyes were just as tired and bloodshot as hers.

“Fuck you, Reddington. I’m done.” she whispered as she slowly made her way to the bedroom and let Morpheus take her into his arms.

Meanwhile Red couldn’t stop the pictures in his head coming one by one, creating a new theory how she got those files, how she seduced Perluda into bed.

He created so many theories but he did not know the truth.

He didn’t know about her sprained ankle, the bruises on her abdomen as Perluda had brutally forced himself on her and that if she hadn’t had her pocketknife with her, he would have very likely beaten her to death.

Red also didn’t know about her inner conflict because she had just ended another man’s life.

Red knew nothing.

###

She woke up two hours later when the rain started caressing the roof. She stood up slowly and tested her left ankle; it was swelling and she could hardly step on it. Before she discarded her clothes Liz had glanced at her door as though she could tell whether Red would come in or not. She quickly changed into jeans and a black hoodie as she collected her necessary things and slowly limped out of her room.

Red was sprawled on the couch, snoring softly.

She crawled a little closer and took a look at him for the last time.

Here was the love of her life with whom she could no longer live. She knew he was too weak to leave her so she had made this decision for both of them. Her anger from the previous day turned into something bitter and incredibly overwhelming it brought tears to her eyes.

Maybe it was the hardest decision in her life but she knew she must do it, for both of them.

When Red would wake up only her sweet perfume and a single note would prove that once Lizzie had been there:

_“Red,_

_We can’t do this anymore. Take care of yourself._

_Lizzie.”_

_###_

Red was woken by a loud knock on the door. He wasn’t really awake when he reached for his gun and headed to the door. Luckily, it was only Frederick.

“Good evening, Mr. Reddington. There’s the report about the girl’s night,” he said but Red shushed him. He didn’t want Lizzie to hear them.

“Thank you, Fred.”

“I’m sorry about the…” he started nervously but Red held up his hand.

“It’s okay, but we both know what will happen at your next mistake. I like you, Fred and I’ve been grateful to you for saving my life more than once, but do not overestimate my gratitude,” Red nodded.

He lazily sat down on the couch as Fred put the equipment together. His head was still spinning a little from the scotch he had drunk.

But suddenly all his physical problems became just a secondary thing.

His eyes twitched and his heart sunk at the pictures of his love, of his beautiful Lizzie as she was fighting desperately for her life as that sociopath was trying to do what Red feared the most.

“Ms. Keen likely has a few bruises and when she was walking out, the outside camera recorded as she limped, so I’d advise you to have a doctor examine her,” said Frank as Red buried his head into his hands.

Everything just made sense. Her hair. Her clothes. God, her bloodshot eyes!

How could he have been such an ass?

Frank patiently waited for his boss’s word but he was left alone on the couch as Red literally ran to her room. He wanted nothing more than hold her, only for a minute, just to let her know he admitted his mistake.

After three unanswered knocks he gently opened the door and stepped into the room.

“Lizzie?” his heart pounded hard when he realized that her luggage was gone and the shelves were empty. “No, no, please, Lizzie, don’t do this to me,” he pleaded under his breath when he noticed a little piece of paper on the bed. Red shut his eyes tight for a second and stormed out.

“What happened?” Franklin jumped from his seat and followed his boss who grabbed his fedora as he was heading out to the rain.

“Lizzie. She’s gone. She took the car,” Red felt as the oxygen left his lungs and started panicking.

“When did you see her last time?”

“About two hours ago.”

“There’s only two ways out from here. I would have met with her on the way here, so she was heading to East, we can go in my car.”

That was, among other things, what Red liked most about this man. He always knew what to do.

They drove only thirty minutes but those were the most excruciating minutes of Red’s life.

He could not lose her, not this way. She was his ray of light, his everything; he could not live without her. Red knew he was selfish and arrogantly possessive but even if they were only partners, Red needed her in his life. Liz was the only thing for a very long time who kept him away from the dark; who had saved him from himself.

Red was powerless under her spell, yet he had never felt such strength as when he was with her, even when Liz hated him.

He just wanted to tell her how he felt about her, just one more time. He was unable to give up on her.

Red was beginning to feel a bit desperate when he saw a smoking car that a woman was trying to repair.

He drew a deep breath when she turned around and looked at him. His Lizzie was just standing there in the rain, in soaked clothes and wet hair but she was still so damn beautiful.

He needed to tell her. With shaking hands Red opened the door and slowly made his way to her.

###

Her tears ran along her cheek, mixing with the cool raindrops. Of course that damn car had had to break down but what had made her cry was entirely different.

She couldn’t get away from him. Since she left the house, she just couldn’t stop thinking about him. It didn’t matter they were fighting for days and didn’t matter how much he hurt her this morning.

Something stronger than gravity itself pulled her to Red. At first, it seemed so simple, leaving him behind but as she got further away from him, her steps became hard and difficult.

Of course, her heart protested the loss of the small joy that just being with Red gave her, but she knew that they could not continue as they were.

When she noticed the car stopping next to her, Liz knew who was driving and suddenly she was profoundly angry and sad and in a twisted way…she was relieved. He had come to her after all.

For the hundredth time that day she fought with a heart that wanted to jump into his arms and never let him go again.

 _Send him away, send him away…_ she said to herself like a mantra but as she felt his body’s warmth on her back, her mind gave up.

###

Raymond Reddington was unable to speak. He was standing there, only inches away from Lizzie, listening to her silent sobs as he fought his own tears.

He wanted to ask and say so many things but he couldn’t. Red wasn’t sure he wouldn’t die instantly if she rejected him yet again.

They were standing in the rain with so many feelings and so few words. This is what happens when two complicated and broken souls fall in love with each other.

Red let out a ragged breath as he gently placed his hand on her shoulder to turn her around.

“Elizabeth…I…I’m so…” his words died as she turned around and attacked him.

She hit his chest with her weak fists as she cried even harder.

“You bastard! How dare you…how could you…” she couldn’t continue because Red gently took her wrists and pulled her into a tight embrace. Lizzie clung tightly to his already soaked vest while Red’s silent tears peppered the crown of her head.

They stood there until their stormy hearts calmed down a little.

Red slowly leaned back and let his thumb ran along her cheek as he lost himself in those incredibly beautiful eyes.

In that gesture he told everything he could, he apologized and pleaded her not to go away from him, Liz knew. She also knew he would never say those words.

She nodded slightly and Red, with a strangely happy smile on his lips started walking with her to the car when she hissed.

She totally forgot about her sprained ankle.

It wasn’t a full second and she was in his arms, safe and solid as he was walking back to the car.

**To be continued…**


	6. Cherry wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you’ll enjoy!  
> I owe with a huuuge thanks to Almcvay1 for the great work she is doing with my chapter!  
> There’s a song Cherry wine by Hozier

_Previously:  
In that gesture he told everything he could, he apologized and pleaded her not to go away from him, Liz knew. She also knew he would never say those words._

_She nodded slightly and Red, with a strangely happy smile on his lips started walking with her to the car when she hissed._

_She totally forgot about her sprained ankle._

_It wasn’t a full second and she was in his arms, safe and solid as he was walking back to the car._

_###_

_Her eyes and words are so icy_  
Oh but she burns  
Like rum on a fire  
Hot and fast and angry  
As she can be  
I walk my days on a wire

He drove, she just stared out of the window, only the quiet humming of the engine and the soft sound of the windscreen wiper gave some beat to the rain-soaked car.

He knew he should concentrate on the road because it would be easy to get stuck in the mud but he couldn’t help observing the woman beside him.

She was staring out of the window, her teardrops still visible on her porcelain cheeks as she hiccups a few times.

She still didn’t speak to him.

After Lizzie got in the car she didn’t look at him, only once when he hopped into the driver’s seat and started the engine, leaving the other guy behind with the broken car, probably waiting for the tow-truck.

He had so many questions; how could she think that she could go away and try to survive alone? Why did she think they _couldn’t do this anymore_? And how on earth did she think he would let her risk her life, knowing she was the most precious thing in his world?

Her presence in this hellhole was the only reason he hadn’t put a bullet into his own head long time ago.

The little girl twenty-five years ago and the desirable woman now. Two personalities in one that always saved him.

He had taken the memory of her sweet gratitude for saving her stuffed bunny from the fire everywhere he had gone and there were days when this only memory had saved the remaining light in his darkened soul.

Years had passed and a beautiful and brave woman had walked down on those deadly stairs.

Her fear had been visible, the determined FBI agent had been afraid of the fourth Most Wanted criminal.

She had had no idea how frightened he had been…

Because one look on her and suddenly his ray of light changed, the warmth started tickling his animalistic side; his alpha-male instincts had turned on with the sight of her smart glance.

Sam was most likely rolling in his grave…

Not just because Red loved her the way he shouldn’t but because he had caused so much pain with so little effort. He slapped her many times when he only wanted to gently brush his fingers alongside her cheeks, to trail along her lips.

 _Calls of guilty thrown at me_  
All while she stains  
The sheets of some other  
Thrown at me so powerfully  
Just like she throws with the arm of her brother

His knuckles turned into white on the wheel.

###

She was blank as the trees going by on the way back to the cabin.

She didn’t have anything to say, she was way too tired of even thinking about creating proper sentences.

Liz wasn’t even sure what to think of Red’s coming after her.

Did he feel guilty about what had happened to her? Or was he furious at her? Or…did he feel something more than sympathy?

She shook her head – so many unanswered questions and she was so tired of them.

She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath to collect some more energy but she fell asleep almost immediately.

###

She woke later when a soft fabric was touching her face. A pillow. She slightly opened her eyes and saw as Red moved away from her to close the door. He slowly made his way back to her and with the gentlest way he started undoing the laces and freed her throbbing ankle from the shoes.

He was so careful, so… _loving._

She closed her teary eyes and only re-opened them when she felt something soft on the skin of her ankle.

His lips.

Those soft, arousing lips that once kissed every inch of her on a rainy night. It felt like a dream from a distant world that once allowed her to be loved by this man. But then an ugly nightmare chased away that dream and happiness with it.

The only evidence of the once-lost dream was the bittersweet ache in her chest that tightened her lungs inch by inch as he continued softly caressing her foot.

Inch. By. Inch.

“Please, don’t do this,” she pleaded as the tears escaped from their prison and ran down on her already tear-soaked cheeks.

###

He didn’t care if it wasn’t appropriate to kiss a sleeping woman’s foot. He just wanted to believe, even for a moment that his kisses could heal her ankle, soothe her pain.

If he could he would kiss her feet every day…

But that’s not how things were working between them.

Strange anxiety tightened his chest as he thought about losing her, even for three hours.

_But I want it, it's a crime  
That she's not around most of the time_

That thirty minutes in the car felt like an eternity. Like a miserable junkie couched in the corner of a dark room, crying and shaking, waiting for the fix that feels like it is never going to come, that he will die there in squalor before the drug can save him.

Red knew it wasn’t healthy, and he hadn’t intended to lean on someone else’s love and be her puppet for an eternity.

But it just happened.

He couldn’t name the time or the place.

Sometimes it felt incredibly good, sometimes screamingly wrong.

In the moment when she begged him not to touch her…well, you can guess which one it was…

He slowly released her foot but both of them regretted the sudden loss. Red pursed his lips tight as he slowly lowered his head and turned around to leave. His hand was on the door handle but one tiny question stopped him.

“Why did you do it?” his voice was so low she could barely register the words.

“Do what?” she whispered, not sure in her voice.

“Why did you run away from me?” he turned back and she could see his glassy eyes.

It startled her.

“Red, we can’t do this anymore, don’t you see that?” she hiccupped.

He shook his head. “Lizzie, as long as you’re a wanted fugitive, I’m the one who can prot…” he started but Liz didn’t let him finish.

“Yeah, you’re always protecting me,” she stood up slowly limping back and forth, avoiding his gaze as she spoke “but Red, just think about it for a second; we can’t live with each other since….” her voice died as another silent sob strangled her. She took a deep breath, not missing how he swallowed audibly, fighting with his own demons.

She had no idea how frightened he still was. Frightened of what she might say.

No, he could not live with another loud _mistake._

“I can’t pretend anymore it didn’t happen. That night…” she stopped and lowered her gaze to the floor as if the nasty words were running on it, waiting for her to catch them. “I can’t live like I don’t know what it felt like kissing you, touching you, how you…” she didn’t finish, instead she just shut her eyes tight in anger and drew a deep breath. “You’re the bane of my existence because I fell in love with you and your rejection physically pains me, I can’t even be with you in the same room.” she stopped when she realized what she had just said and laughed ironically. “It’s stupid, isn’t it? The FBI agent fell in love with the handsome criminal. Sometimes it feels like a sloppy teenage novel,” she added sarcastically.

Red just stood there with wide eyes and dropped jaw. Did she just say what he thought she did?

“You have to let me go, so I can forget you,” she added and grabbed her bag.

 _Her fight and fury is fiery_  
Oh but she loves  
Like sleep to the freezing  
Sweet and right and merciful  
I'm all but washed  
In the tide of her breathing

When he realized what she was trying to do, he shook his head and stepped next to her. He patiently waited until her gaze met with his confused one.

“Do you think I’m handsome?”

She couldn’t help but laugh.

“Really? It was the only thing you grabbed from my speech?” she asked with annoyed disbelief.

“Are you really in love with me?” his voice was so tiny, merely a shy whisper.

“Please, don’t make me say it again,” she begged, fighting with tears and words, “Just…just let me go.”

“No,” he said, with renewed strength.

“Does it feel good to tortu…” she began but he interrupted.

“I can’t and won’t let you go, because I love you, Elizabeth.”

Now she was the one who gaped at him.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it? The old criminal fell in love with the beautiful FBI agent.” he smiled as he tucked her hair behind her ear and traced her cheekbone with his thumb. His smile didn’t live long, however. “When you said that night was a mistake…it…killed me…a little. You’re the only light in my shadow-covered, miserable life and sometimes I feel like a silly moth that desired the candle light, not caring about getting burnt. I swear on what I hold dear that I tried to fight it but I’m a weak man, Lizzie. You make me weak, yet your presence in my life makes me strong enough to fight for another damn hour in this world. Please, don’t take away the only goodness from my life,” he begged.

She gently cupped his cheek, tracing his sideburns as she slowly and willingly placed her lips against his welcoming ones.

Neither of them knew how long they stood there, in each other’s arms, kissing days of sadness and hurt away, planting hope and love into their hearts.

Liz was the first who slightly broke the kiss, leaning against his forehead as she gently interlocked their fingers and pulled him with her. They lay down and Red immediately pulled her back against his chest as she grabbed his left hand and hugged it against her chest.

 _Way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine_  
Open hand or closed fist would be fine  
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine 

 

They drifted off with the sweetest thought in the world:

_They were loved._

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna one more chapter? :) All reviews appreciated!


End file.
